Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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