I must be too annoying 4 u.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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