Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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