I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
