SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
