Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
