Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
