2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
