The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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