then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
