My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
