some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize