so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
