Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
