A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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