matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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