Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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