put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
