I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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