She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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