I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
NoShamevember. You game?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
