We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize