Are we in a gay sports bar?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
