You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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