you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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