i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
