I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
