WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
