I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
