it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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