I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
