if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
