is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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