im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
