I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
