just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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