Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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