please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
