Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
