I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize