I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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