I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
