You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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