Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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