Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
