Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
