we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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