did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
