I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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