I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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