Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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