Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
