I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
