Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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