overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize