when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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