is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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