You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
