chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
