He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
