the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
