I am puke
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
