smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
